Hag Bones on the Fire
Collecting bones on the land to feed the fire
I collapsed into the underworld of the dark Mother.
Last year, I began a journey that would become very uncomfortable. The first couple of weeks of release I prayed through, aware of the commands I was intuitively being led to speak on removing all areas of false light, cleansing self sabotage programs, restoring all the places I was diluting God. When I slowly began to recover from that physical body experience - I woke up to not knowing who I was anymore. I felt bare, empty.
My identities were shattered. I could not feel where I belonged, where I could truly be of service, what was I to do for work? I fell into a familiar void, but now I felt completely unanchored, untethered - would I return this time? I was completely blank from every angle of the path ahead I had planned. It all kept swirling around me in my daily life as my body was recalibrating from the release of decades, lifetimes and timelines of dying structures. I remained and slowly walked through these inner landscapes of the unknown, to accept what was before me and to know nothing. Humbled to my core, to my bones, my heart ached through this passage.
All seemed to be a long death of the self sequence - to feel shattered, splintered, separate from. Knowing that this human experience is my terrain of soul exploration, naturally I will go through periods of pause & stillness, or phases of wild movement. I could not locate my heart’s joy, because I was still under the influence of old templates as they were leaving my field.
I submerged myself into the undertow of the dark Mother.She holds the deepest depths of all souls pain, despair and mystery. Through months of breaking away from identity, releasing it all to return to source - because, this experience wasn’t going to happen in one sitting, one mediation, one ceremony, or one charged declaration - this journey was going to be long & life altering. I could release my stronghold on most aspects, even though painful, I cried as my temple was being dismantled, the plans & places where I had devoted my energies. But, there were two things I clung on to the most on the soul level - being a Mother & my grid work.
It was the dark Mother as the Crone, that spoke to me: ‘you have always been the Mother & always will be - in this life and beyond. You are a guardian of the sacred flame of the Mother Source in all places through all timelines.’
Layers of shedding skins, of self declaration language, spells of self devotion no longer applicable dropped away. I had returned so much back into the fire that my inner flame became but an exhausted ember, faded into the background, but still present. It was a long, silent tending, my soul nursing me at my bedside. My human stumbling around in a reality that was paced by false light distractions, corruption and energetic infiltrations. There was no manifestation technique or claim I could make to magically force anything to move quickly before it was absolutely prepared by being cleared. I could only submit, surrender. However, the one command that I was able to call forward was for my soul to anchor in this vessel and steward the highest timeline healing - there was simply no force or idea to capture.
I had hoped Imbolc would begin to return me to myself… more stillness, more darkness. My interest peaked with the year turning toward the fire horse energy and spring equinox, but then the unexpected arrived. I was motionless in my bed for over a week as the second coming of the painful inflammation purged directly from my crown and face. As more insightful downloads appeared, I could barely process any of it, but I knew this was the other side of the initiation I had been experiencing. It was the completion of a nine month resurrection journey. The exploration was long with the Cailleach, the hag of winter.
I had also been quietly witnessing and reflecting on the death imprint of my mother in her 49th year on the last day of winter 17 years ago, as it stirred in my consciousness during my many days of living as I now approach my 50th solar return.
But, it was the renewal fires of Beltaine that revived my spirit and my body.
When those first warm, sunny days finally arrived, even though not completely restored… I said, ‘enough, I’m still very much alive’. Slow walks to the river and speaking prayers with the unseen guardians of this land began to revitalize me. Yeshua came through to guide me, ‘clear the debris. clearing the debris of the land will clear the debris of your mind, heart, and body’. Simple words, yet they offered me the direction I needed to resurface, regenerate, & resurrect.
Discovering renewed presence in communing with this land, listening for the gentle nudges of collaboration, I began collecting piles for a burn.
The healing waters running through our land
All these earthly months, even as I traveled through the void, I knew it all to be a space of preparation - the physical vessel can’t embody all that the mind envisions to hold simply because it appears, it has to excavate & unarchive old damaged scripts contained in the cellular memory to make space. A master training for the body vehicle, a redirection toward ‘higher ground’, to raise the vessel into a conscious atmosphere requires a walk with God. I needed to witness all the hidden spaces of self shame, suffering, grief & abandonment that had become a recycling program that convinced me I was unworthy to move toward acceptance and reclamation. The system I was attached to since I was a child had to be exhausted.
My plans disintegrated - God’s plans activated.
As my reality quietly reshaped, the ancient knowing Mother Hag within me began to take up more space and she reminded me that I’m here to assist other traveling soul’s to anchor their authentic nature and creative vision. I have to go through all the flames of rebirth not only to resurrect my own soul journey, but to be able to support other’s to rise on their path. There are times when you arrive to the realm of the silent mystic, to simply tend the house of light, to keep the wild hearth alive with even the smallest of flames to rekindle.
When we first perceive the vision, the creation, the promise sealed, we step into it at the beginning of the path. We are accelerated by the excitement, potential, the allure of the mystery arriving to meet us, our spirit is charged with purpose. Then the unseen work begins to walk the path beside us matching our steps. All the spaces where we begin to meet the stagnant places of resistance within that we can’t simply pass by, but must welcome this wisdom of the self to unveil to allow the journey to continue.
When this healing exploration began last year, I claimed aloud from the same self authority that I had been practicing for years that I do not consent to false light interference… & then everything became really silent. The chords that had tied me to a version of me no longer applicable were unthreaded, and then I felt unanchored, untethered, like I was tumbling in the ether. Struggling to connect with a strange reality as it crashed around me.
How can there be so much confusion after so much dismantling? One would assume that after this great upheaval of old energetics and a frequency shakedown, that clarity and awareness would simply appear as the perfected elixir of light to show the way.
But, all the story lines, the script, the language, the compilations of self that once existed in all those pillars of personality no longer can stand, and when they collapse, there is nothing to hold on to… but, the gift of simply being alive.
Colliding with my true nature, messy, rebirthed, feeling around for a hand to hold, but receiving life differently. The eyes, the ears, the senses have shifted… and there is no flavor of the old that can be fully welcomed back into the field I now exist in. There’s no way this resurrection was ever going to be a 3 day initiation ceremony, but months of pulling energetic bindings, cellular chords, gunk stored in every aspect of the beloved self. This woman can now look at the currency of her life, but still wondering how she will entertain the familiar?
And for the win, it’s the material realm, the mundane rituals that root her connection to a future timeline being created.
And, it was through working with my hands on this land that I kept hearing that I’ll remember soon, that I am simply reawakening again. And I could feel that faint spark of my fiery soul begin to reignite in preparation as I recalled multiple times through this self pilgrimage a vision I received at the Church of Mary Magdalene. It was the reception of the guardian holding me at the altar that was bare earth, speak the words ‘once you begin you can’t stop’ - I wondered what exactly did I agree to? But at every crossroads I met only versions of myself to be honored, trusted & adored for her journey.
In this previous post… I shared about the journey to Rennes-le-Château, France, where on the hillside there it is tradition to share your deepest dreams or desires with the Universe, releasing your vision to the winds. I called on land & home for our family. We’ve been caretaking others properties for many years & it was time for our own grid location to make sacred space. Six months later, the vision became a reality, and I was naturally reminded of that moment on those magnetic lands.
My body had to prepare for the energetic field to support this vision, as well as the others moving through me. So the creation design needed to dissolve fractured systems to be able to fully rise through me. And my soul’s earthly works didn’t disappear, it was in the releasing them with trust that they strengthened in clarity and reunited with a fullness that I could have never forced.
I journeyed into the depths of the dark mystery of the Great Mother. What could be called experiences of self revelation, pilgrimage integration, perimenopause & lifetimes of ancestral healing, had been guiding me directly toward flames summoning my alchemy.
The Ancient Hag was calling me closer toward her hearth fire, not to arrive in haste, but to experience a slow walk of winding turns that were curated by her hand so that I could look into her eyes with a free heart. She is not one that you rush to meet, for her power is otherworldly & her wisdom is from the fiery plasma core of creation.
In every space I saw her, I recognized was the future version of me that loved me so deeply. Her inner strength moves me to tears. I tend her fire that I carry in my bones & she has always tended mine.
Tossing bones on the fire
As I was fueled by the instructions to ‘clear the debris’, I gathered left behind scrap wood from the previous owners projects and rotting logs from all over the property that had no further use. Not only do I have a desire to make aesthetically pleasing environments, but this land clearing mission was what I needed to begin reclaiming the template here with our imprints. I began close to our house, then spiraled around to collect all that I could get my hands on.
The burn began early in the morning, the air sweet and everything was still except for birdsong when I experienced a wild coming home moment. All the places that we had traveled to as a family and had experienced joyful soul connection, came to meet me. I was flooded with an electric charge of oceans, pyramids, temples, jungles, stones, green hills, hedgerows, caves, deserts, mountains, rivers, even meals shared - and it all rippled through me as a cosmic signpost - I am the Wild Mother Hearth.
It was as if all the ley line locations we’ve placed our prayers upon over many years, all the places where we lit fires and danced under the sun, journeyed to connect with and bless this land, celebrating our arrival to be guardians of this sacred space.
This experience resonated an opening through my body consciousness and heart that automatically created a new earth seal with this grid we are honored to tend.
We are cleansed by the land, there is no separation from the cosmic material that naturally flows within us and the currents of energy that moves inside the earth to meet us. Our bodies know the way, our souls come alive as we anchor & explore the field. We are present here to regenerate with forces of an organic matrix of light, original creation blueprints continually arriving to meet us on the path. And, yet, being a guardian of a creative vision, calls on you to root into the presence of the material realm while simultaneously traveling into future timelines.
As the fire was burning, I continued to move around and collect the leaves I had raked and discovered many random animal bones. As I paused to look at the remains of old life in my hands, it felt as if I was symbolically witnessing my own death cycle. I observed from a kind of trance like place as I tossed the bones into the fire, feeling a connection to ancient places and timelines deep within my memory as a magnetic spark of recognition lit up my field.
At that moment, I swear I could hear the joyful cackle of the Hag.
A heart lifting moment at home in the solar rain on my mama’s birthday
